To the Kind Grandmother, Thanks for the Umbrella

Dear Caring Grandmother, 

I am quite sure that you are still praying for us since you left us in the rain with your umbrella. I don’t know why I feel the need to explain how I wound up fast walking through a rainstorm with a 3 and 4 year old on each hip, but I just know that you find me insane and want to defend myself. 

You see, I felt myself reaching a level of insanity after lunch today and when I was asked from the millionth time, “can I play a video game?” I shut my laptop and said, “that’s it we are going to the park.” After a good thirty minutes of picking out the perfect park outfits, cleaning spaghetti sauce off their faces and begging my three year old to please try to go potty, we were out the door. I got so involved in conversations about what slides they would slide down and what swings they liked best that I, unfortunately, failed to notice the dark storm cloud over our heads until we were half way down our street. At that point I did say, “oh, no we need to turn around and get in the car to go to the park incase it rains.” But my rational minded response was met by a four year old who insisted that walking was the best part of going to the park. How do you argue with that?

I did begin to pray a bit when the sprinkles of rain started hitting the sidewalk in front of us and the cars driving by had their wipers going. I did think for a moment that we should turn back, but then my girls laughed while holding hands in front of me - they needed this. They needed mommy to get away from the computer, to put work on the back burner and go out for an adventure. We probably shouldn’t have stopped to count the turtles in the drainage ditch, but there were more than we had ever seen before and just as we were counting the tenth one I saw the wall of rain coming our way. 

If you knew my three year old you would know that she has two speeds, run as fast as her little legs will let her or slow old grandmother (no offense) and it should be no shock to you because I think you’ve been in my shoes before that that child was in little old grandmother mode even as her hair become drenched in rain. So, I swooped her up onto my right hip then I thought, “I could go even faster if I carried Bekah, too.”  And that is when I went from a cute mom of two preschoolers to a hot mess running down the side of the road in the rain with a child on each hip. So, I know absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt why you pulled over and said “get in, I have carseats.” This is where a shake my head thinking back and wonder, “was I being stupid or smart?” refusing a ride from a grandmotherly type in a sedan. 

You see, there are two reasons why I said, “oh we are okay, we are almost there.” First, and oh I hate to admit this, but it’s true - I do not ask for help. I completely and totally suck at asking or accepting help from others. I have been told that it’s the curse of being a single parent for so long, but in a case like this I think “it’s not a big deal we will run up here under the edge of the clubhouse and be fine.” And that is exactly what I thought, there was no thunder, no hail, so we got a little wet - the three year old thought it was completely awesome. 

Secondly, and I blame Lifetime Television, the news and my mother (equally), I am not about to put my children in the car with anyone I don’t know, sorry. You looked kind, your car looked nice and clean, but really you could have been a crazy baby snatcher. Sorry. 

So I said, “thank you, but no thank you” and we made it safely to the covering of our neighborhood club house just steps away from the park and the end of our journey. As I was ringing out the girls shirts and pushing the wet hair off of their faces I heard a horn honk and Bekah sigh, “there is that Lady that you said no to.” That is when I knew you were most definitely a grandmother, when you yelled, “I have an umbrella, please take it.” As you place the umbrella in my hand I asked, “how do I return it to you?” Now, I know your response was something like, “God will provide” or hmmmm…I really can’t remember, I just felt in that moment that you were praying for the well being of my children and I blanked. I did say thank you multiple times and waived off another car that pulled up behind you. There was a run on caring people trying to help the insane woman out of the rain (that lasted less than 3 minutes). I didn’t mean that to sound snarky, sorry. 

I do thank you, thank you for showing your heart. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for taking time out for drive to help us. And thank you for leaving us with your cute umbrella. 

We continued over to the park and the girls slid down wet slides and swung on dripping swings, but they had the best afternoon. They needed that time, they needed that adventure out side of the walls of our house and the small rain storm made it even more exciting. I needed the reminder that people are kind and caring still even when I don’t know when to get out of the rain. 

Thankfulness - The Other Side of Post Abortive Healing

Yesterday morning I followed seven women and one man down the stone path to a pond, the same pond where my stones of unworthiness and un-forgiveness lay. As I saw them laugh together, hug each other and share tears of pain I could only think one thing, “Thank you Lord”. 

My Loving and Amazing Father, 

I don’t feel the words”thank you” even match the feelings for gratitude I have for the grace I’ve been given. And as if grace were not enough you’ve given the opportunity to take my stuff, my yuck, (with your amazing love added) and turn it into a story I get to share with others. You’ve given me the gift of words that flow so easily (at times) to share what you’ve done in my life. I’ve also received the ability to speak in front of crowds with pure transparency and oh man, I thank you for that. 

I am so thankful for the opportunity to be on the other side of post abortive healing, that this weekend I was given the ability to serve women just like me. And that brings me to a big prayer of thankfulness that you have given me the ability to cook and to cook well, “or so I’ve heard.” I got to use that talent to keep the comfort foods flowing this weekend as these seven women and one man started the journey to healing. The same journey I took less than three months before. Less than three, months - amazing. I have fit so much into the past three months, I have prayed my heart out and trusted your path for me. 

Now I ask you, father, what are we doing next? This servant is ready! 

Rest? (that is seriously what I just heard as I typed that question) 

I know you cannot mean rest from sharing this story, but maybe rest as in it’s time for some serious Sabbath. It’s time for some serious prayer about boundaries. It’s time to looks at where my energy is being applied and reconfirm that it is where You want my attention. It’s time to fix some cracks that crazy full living has put into my marriage, my relationship with my little people and my relationship with you. 

Lord, I just ask for your guidance, I ask that you shine bright lights on my paths. A neon sign with an arrow, maybe? Sorry, Lord, I am just tired and my eyes are swollen from exhausted crying that took place last night. 

The tears are filing my eyes again and I am filled with overwhelming thankfulness that I was there. That I shared embraces with people I barely got a chance to know, but know all so well. Eight completely brave parents who face the mortality of their children and at last, delivered them to you, for you to care for and for you to love. In doing so, they finally, finally, accepted your forgiveness, your grace. You strengthened marriages this weekend, You empowered women, You made some amazing leaders in the great commission. I know these are things you do everyday, all day, but for the past three days I got to see it with my own eyes, again. 

Thank you. 

With a heart overflowing with gratitude and love, 

Your Servant on this AWESOME Journey

Not sure there is much more to say than that this morning. I am beyond exhausted, the most tired I’ve been in awhile, but as my physical body is dragging, my spirt is jumping for joy! I could go on, but really all it would be is a list of words like: Awesome, Amazing, Awesome, Awesome, Awesome…

Oh So Thankful

Every year around this time I see daily posts on Facebook that document what someone is thankful for this month and then I always see these:

So, I refrain from the 30 days of thankfulness, not because I am not thankful for all the blessings in my life and not that I care what other people think of me (well not too much). Let’s be honest - I have ADD (seriously and for true) and have a HORRIBLE issue with not completing things (but please don’t tell that to my employer because I may have checked that box that says “completes all tasks assigned to me”). 

The last few days, though, have really led me to lift my hands up the to Lord and say “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” So, I feel like I really want to share some of my thankfulness as we get through the next few days. Please note though, I may write this post and be missing until next week because, again, I have an issue with the follow through. 

Today I am thankful for the community that God has placed me in - for my friends (old and new). 

Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other’s gold. A circle’s round, it has no end - that’s how long I want to be your friend.

Sorry, my mind lunges into song most of the time. 

As I moved last year from North Texas to Houston I thought I would never have relationships like I had with my girlfriends in North Texas. And part of that thought process is so true - the relationships I have in North Texas are so unique and can never been replaced, but God opened a door and gave me additional, new, deep relationships with women. That is what I am thankful for today. 

I am thankful to feel so at home, so comfortable, so loved and so free to be me (every broken edge) in my community. I am thankful for open homes, free flowing tears and warm embraces that we share. I am thankful for the realness, transparency and grace that these women poor out. 

I am also thankful for the wise (because hey they married amazing women) husband’s of these women. The strong leaders of our families, the brave men who put up with our craziness and pass boxes of Kleenexes around the room as we cry for each other. 

It really is crazy how God masterminds our relationships, giving us just what we need, just when we need it . I am so thankful for his timing. I love you my dear friends! 

And just because:

Thankful

I feel a little ungrateful after my post yesterday, not sure if you feel the same way of not. I think I just needed a swift kick in the butt to remember just how blessed I am to have the life I have right now.

Last weekend I went to our church’s women’s retreat. I was given the opportunity to lead a session and a craft. The entire weekend I thought how blessed I was that I had such a great church family. Each one of those women made a mark on my heart and I am so grateful to have that time with them. Even though I learned I am allergic to pine and I am still getting over it.

While I was there I was overwhelmed with the feeling of God’s grace. I’ve gotten I huge dose of God’s grace and continue to get it everyday. Just the pure fact that I am living the life I have today is amazing. I’ve been given the opportunity to have a marriage I’ve always dreamed of and given the opportunity to have more children. Three years ago I was set that I would be single mother forever and that all my love would go to Shelby forever and she would have not siblings, which made me sad.

All of those thoughts took me back to my husband and I get so emotional to think about the trials he went through to be where he is today and I’m telling you to not be one single bit bitter about it all. Urgh crying. I can’t begin to imagine the pain and the heartache my love went through losing his first wife. I can’t imagine what is views of his future were. I am so glad I found him.  

Without sounding conceited we blessed each other. God put us together in his perfect time and everything after that has been pure bliss. Things aren’t always perfect, but they are perfect enough for us, right honey?

It’s true that I want more than what I have in the way for my job. I feel the tug to be at home so bad, but God hasn’t given me that green light yet. I fell like he is telling me to get my junk together first. He’s telling me that I can pull off being at home if I stop picking up little extras at target twice a week and other spending that is totally unnecessary. That takes self discipline that I need to get quickly. I’m working on it…that’s call I can say.

I am blessed beyond measure for my girls and baby #3. I think I’ve said that over and over again.

So, life isn’t bad at all. Some days I get down, but I just need to pull myself up by my bootstraps as my mother always says and push on. I need to cook more! I foresee a menu planning Monday post, so watch out of it.

How has God blessed you?

Thankful

Last night after dinner we created our yearly Thankful Tree. This is a tree – made from construction paper – that will fill with leaves of thankfulness. 

This year I put more effort into the tree and the leaves – last year was a mess – see it here.

America and Ancient Things were not listed on this year’s tree, but we did have things like cookies and cake listed.

Also

The Care & Support we’ve received – we are oh so thankful.

Friends – I love you all!

Dr. Sak – that one was from Bekah. She was also thankful for Tummy Time and Moo-k (otherwise known as milk). 

Crazy Dogs – I am a little less thankful this morning, but as the day progresses it may get better. 

Shelby chimed in that she was so so thankful for “mommy not being pregnant.” Poor girl.

What are you and your family thankful for this year?

Thank You!

It’s been awhile since I have said thank you to you! Yep you…the person reading this right now at this moment. Thank you!

Yesterday’s blog had me thinking about how far I have come with the blog in the past year. 2010 was an Awesome blog year!

StrawberryTart! had 3,451 visitors in 2010. You all read 5,920 pages of my blog – there are not that many, but that is how many times a page was viewed in my blog.

My readers stretched across 28 Countries or Territories including Australia, Finland, Germany and Spain.

In the United States – and this makes me so happy – I had readers from every state, but one – what state is that anyway – the white one up the in the top right.

You all enjoyed reading my What I Wore Wednesday Posts in 2010 closely after that it was the posts written to explain who JAG is – love it!

Thank you so much! I don’t think you will ever fully understand how much each of those views and readings and comments meant to me.

So far, as I said yesterday, 2011 is going to be more Awesome than 2010! In the past two weeks there have been 1,089 visits and 1,622 page views. Thank you so much!

Just so you know I do not write for visits or pages views. I write for Shelby and for JAG and for my mother. I write to preserve my stories and to leave a legacy behind for my family – the stats are just a perk. A very good oh so awesome perk!

Happy Thanksgiving!

It is Thanksgiving morning, my husband is still sleeping and I am breathing a sigh of relief that I did not break the TV this morning – it was touch and go for a minute. I have been up for almost an hour. The Stephen jello is in the fridge and I am trying to get motivated to wash the pile of dishes that somehow wound up in the sink overnight – I think there are sink gremlins that dirty all your dishes at night while you sleep. The cold front has hit North Texas – hold on to your hats it is going to be 41 this afternoon – burr. I know that my friends in the North probably just laughing, but the forties is freezing here!

It’s just JAG and I today – and I am a bit hormonal, so expect some sadness and missing Shelby. URGH…they are showing marines in Afghanistan with their signs hoping their family will catch a glimpse of them – tears. I am so thankful our Navy man is home this Thanksgiving and I look forward to talking to him and all of the rest of JAG’s family today via OovoO. My family is all gathering in South Texas and I will miss them too – urgh…maybe this isn’t the best subject for the morning I am a little too emotional.

My plans for today are stuffed turkey breast with cranberry glaze, pumpkin pie and wine with my love. That and moving the last pieces of belongings out of my house – oh that will be lovely – poor JAG. Maybe we will fit in a movie – I want to see that Jake Gillenhall one.

I just have to tell you I am overwhelmed with Thankfulness this year you guys.

First off I am thankful God, thankful for the Bible, thankful for my Faith and the ability to practice my faith with people that I love in a church that has become my family so quickly. I love all my Holy Cross family especially Kathryn, Maria and Debbie – thank you some much for everything you do for me and everyone else. I love you guys!

I am thankful for parents because without them I would not be here – seriously that is a true true statement. I am overwhelmed and oh so thankful that my father is here for another year – urgh tears. I love you daddy even though you are so dang gripy, but life would not be the same if you happy all the time.  With the history of our family I am overjoyed to have you here to spend time with your granddaughter – she thinks you are the bee’s knees. I am not sure if I can type into words how thankful I am for my mother. You probably know we have a different relationship – she is my best friend and I love her – you mom – now that you are reading my blog. I love you so much! Both of you! I know that we are not a big “I Love You” family, but it is good to say at least once a year – heehee.

I give thanks to God for my daughter, Shelby. I am thankful for ever door slam, ever fit and every ounce of drama that that girl delivers to me each day. I am thankful for the bond I have with her. I am thankful that I see so much of me in here and even more of my mother. I am thankful that she has such a big heart even though it gets her in trouble most of the time. I am thankful that she a passion for life. I am also thankful that since she was little she has had a love for God. She has so much spirit in here. Even though she challenges me to a point to where I want to buy her a one way ticket to South Texas  - so that Grammy can deal with the monster she created – I love her LOVE LOVE LOVE her!!!

Another BIG shout out to God when I give thanks for my husband, JAG – that still sounds odd “husband.” It is not secret that I feel like a lucky lucky oh so blessed girl. What you have brought into my life during the past months has been amazing. I love you JAG!

I am thankful for my sister. I am thankful that I have one and we are working on it – it’s hard when she is so far away, but I hope to get down there more now that I have a husband who believes in the value of family. Along with my sister, I am thankful for her super adorable, have grown up way to fast sons – Scotty and John David – love you guys! Also, James, Melinda’s wonderful husband.

Let me take a minute and breathe before I say – I am thankful for my new family. My BIG new family. My awesome in-laws. Did I ever tell you that within the first five seconds of meeting my dentists he said – you are marrying into an awesome family – yes he used “awesome.” I said “yep!” because I know they are AWESOME! I look forward to becoming more of a family with you – for you to get to know me and me to know you. I hope to have more phone calls – for more than just “is there cream cheese in Stephen Jello?”

Did I tell you I always wanted a brother – sorry Melinda – I may have shared that in my video for my birthday? I did, badly. I now have three! Along with them I have two awesome sister in-laws and one super adorable best dancer ever ladies’ man nephew.

Sorry…Jessica Simpson was on the Today show briefly…that girl is cooking Thanksgiving dinner in her hotel room – yikes.

Ok, back on track.

Even though it has been a sad year – I am thankful for another year with my Meme. I have been sick, but hope to see her tomorrow. Tears…sorry. I am thankful for the years I have had with her and all the things she has taught me.

I am thankful for all of my extended family. My aunts, uncles and cousins and also all of my new extended family – you all mean so much to me.

“Moby stop licking my good pillows!” I am thankful for the animals – Moby, Gus, Jack and Duke. Yes, Duke. I am thankful for Beau and having had him in my life. I still miss him so much and try my best not to compare him with Duke – because that would just drive me crazy.

Last but not least I am thankful for this blog. Last month I had 1,236 page views from nine, yes nine, different countries. I don’t know if you understand just how awesome that is – I love it. I am so Thankful for YOU!

So now it is time for me to hit those dishes and bake a pie. Hopefully I will get to watch some of the parade even though JAG doesn’t like the Thanksgiving parade – I know, right? I really hope to not watch football all day and hope to unpack some boxes.

I love you all! I hope you have a great Thanksgiving with your family! Remember to tell them you love them and give hugs! Sending a big cyber hug to you!

I am not going to read through this again in hopes to not cry again, so I apologize for typos. 

Ancient Things and America

It was the last chance to complete this project with Shelby before she was swept away to spend Thanksgiving with Gweedo and his family. The first time I saw this project on Shawni’s blog I knew I had to put it on my list of things to do with my family.  I had been putting it off and then have been sick for almost two weeks, but I grabbed a box of Kleenexes and sucked it up. I had to have this done last night – HAD TO and I am so glad I did.

I was lucky that it feel into the theme for Mama Cat’s Writing prompt for this week. It was perfect – ask your child what they think Thanksgiving is and what they are thankful for.

First off for the past three weeks the public school system has been pounding the meaning of Thanksgiving into Shelby’s head. She knows names I have never heard of and locations I didn’t even know exists. Of course, JAG knows all the details – all I know is the pilgrims and the Indians and the true story about Christopher Columbus – American Literature it was eye opening.

In true Shelby fashion when she was asked what Thanksgiving was about she cleared her throat, folded her hands and proceed to say that  “it is the day where we think about all the things we are thankful for”. Then she continued with the Pilgrim and Indian story and how they wanted to have their own religion. She knew all the details prompted by JAG to include all the correct names. Me? Well I was kind of stuck in the middle with my mouth open.

After I spent some time trying to determine if they just teach more these days or if I didn’t retain anything from elementary school we moved onto our thankful list. Each of us got one piece of paper to write our list, compare and create our tree. Shelby was oh so proud that she schooled us in the Thankful department. Here twenty one items more than doubled what I had – not that I am not thankful, but I was also working on the tree.  Shelby’s list was very original. She had the expected mom and dads – yeap dads. Shelby also had things that I thought were so adorable here are a few.

She had “ancient stuff.” She explains this as “all the stuff we got from Meme,” so she mean antiques.

She had Cypress which is where JAG’s parents live and where we will be spending Christmas.

It was a good night, good times with my family.

Go check out other Writers. They will be up on Thursday.

Thank You Very Much!

Recently my sister in-law, Cat, told me that a birthday card isn’t late until a month are your birthday. I hope this rule also implies to thank you notes. I put a majority of them in the mail this morning. I still have a few that I am not sure about. They are the “JAG, who is?” “Were they at the wedding?” “Do you we give a thank you note for this?” “Where is their address?” So, hopefully you all will receive them before you get our Christmas cards.

I wanted to take a couple of posts to say Thank You to some special people. First off I don’t think our wedding would have been complete without this person.

I think my groom looks oh so handsome here!

Dear JAGDad –

Thank you so much for officiating our wedding ceremony. It meant so much to your son and to me as well. Thank you for the details and work you put into it to make it oh so perfect.

I have to say, though, when I got to the end of the aisle saw how thick that notebook was I thought to myself “I really thought he was kidding about the 2 hour service.” You may have noticed that every time you turned the page I glanced to get a quick word count. You had me a bit nervous since I was already balling and my shoes that I should have worn more before the wedding were killing my feet. I was told later by a reliable source that most of what was in the notebook was just filler paper, but you did have me sweating it for a minute.

Thank you also for not calling out my blonde moment the night before when I truly believed for a minute or two that you where serious about using tikki torches as unity candles – wait I think I kept that blonde moment to myself. I thought “what kind of family am I marrying into?” Heeehee.

So many people said they started to cry during the service, not because I was crying, but because we included Shelby in our ceremony. I owe you all the credit for including Shelby in the service. It was absolutely perfect.

Every word every moment every second of our ceremony was perfect (except maybe my lack of a Kleenex - lesson learned) and I owe that to you! Thank you so so so much! 

Thank you for allowing me to come into your awesome family! I love you father in-law!

And it actually wasn’t all the uncomfortable to kiss JAG in front of my father in-law. I am glad that he kept it to a peck, though – that would have been very uncomfortable.

I Cry – I Don’t Think There is a Normal.

Yesterday was All Saints Day. I am sorry to say that I do not know all the details of this day and the meaning in the Lutheran Church, but I am learning. I didn’t even know it was a day/service until JAG quickly told me as we walked into church. He had forgotten that the pastor made sure to tell him – you will see why. All I have to say is Pastor if you are reading this we really need to get boxes of Kleenexes in the sanctuary next year. Especially in the back left (my left, your right) you know where I am every Sunday.

When JAG pulled me aside and told me I didn’t think too much of it – I was sure I could handle it – it wasn’t that big of a deal.

Let me stop because I know there are a few of you that are just completely lost right now. Since I introduced you to JAG I have kept a story to myself mainly because it was not my story to tell, but the realization is that it is has now become a part of my story. I am just going to type and see what the Lord gives me to share with you today.

I am JAG’s second wife. I have dealt with dating (and even marrying) a divorced man. In many ways divorce is so much easier then what JAG had for me. His first wife, his first love, the one he would have never divorced passed away from cancer.

I think I knew more about her then I did him when I decide to meet JAG in person (we met online incase you hadn’t heard).  I swear I have typed and deleted about a dozen sentences so far in the paragraph. Lets just say I was a very cautious girl and did my homework which lead me to meet JAG’s first wife via obituaries and blog posts by JAGdad before I met JAG. This helped me, it helped me to have a face. Looking back, I think it help me with the bond I feel to her.

Even though looking back on our time together so far things have never gotten bad enough for me to run, it hasn’t always been easy. Since the beginning I believed we were put together at this exact time for a reason. When we met my father was just diagnosed with cancer and I was about to face the 1 year anniversary of James’ death. We understood each other. We both faced cancer with a loved one and we both lost someone who was close to us too soon.

To be honest with you – it has been hard. Harder then I could ever imagine, but at the same thing I would not change a thing. I struggle with loving someone so much who was in love me, but still so in love with her. That is understandable – I read articles on it in the beginning. I was very careful not to rush him I just sat back and let him lead. Her death was not sudden and if there is one thing that she did well was prepare. She prepared ever detail – she knew who would get what piece of jewelry, she knew the scriptures she wanted during her memorial service – she made lists galore. She also had a long talk with her husband – wait that is their story. I want to be very careful when giving this to you that I do not try to tell a story that does not belong to me.

Besides knowing that he loved someone still so much my other struggle is the knowing that all this awesomeness I am in now would not be if is wasn’t for her death. I think that gets me more than anything. It’s not guilt, it’s sadness. You know how I feel about grief. I am also a healer so if it were up to me she would be here right now and there would be no pain in her family or in his. Again, I have to think – things happen for a reason. Urgh…I am rambling aren’t I?

Let’s just say there are books about there, but they do not do any good because I don’t believe there is a right way – or a wrong way – to date, fall in love and marry a widower. I am kind of making it up as I go.

With that said I didn’t think that All Saints Sunday would affect me, but man I was so wrong! I opened up that bulletin and saw her name. I realized then that this would not be just a brief mention – I started bighting the inside of my mouth trying to fight back the tears, but it didn’t help. I felt it in my throat – the starting of my balling – full out balling. New purse equals no Klennexs. I looked around the pew – nothing. I jumped up and walked as fast as I could to the nearest bathroom. I pulled at least half of the box out – sorry I will bring a new box on Sunday – and proceeded to have a little out loud sobbing before going back in. My hope was it would be over by the time I got back. Of course that didn’t happen – someone upstairs thought I needed to face this. I am sure all you could hear during the moment of silence was my crying and Shelby asking “why is she crying?” over and over again. I regained composer after a few minutes, then turned to JAG and said “I am glad it is get a shot of wine Sunday. I so need it.” – I hope that doesn’t offend anything we really needed some comic relief at that moment. I think I cried enough for the both of us because JAG sat there as manly as ever – you could tell he cried on the inside, but you never saw a tear.

After service a younger woman that have I started to get to know came over. She had good intentions, but her statements are what led me to type this blog. She asked why I was crying and if I lost someone recently. I just looked at JAG because this was JAG’s church since he was a child – you have to have been sleeping through every service if you didn’t know the loss that JAG went through. She knew, but she just couldn’t grasp how it would affect me. She reassured me again and again how I was part of the church family now. Urgh how to do I say this with out sounding tacky – she had the best of intentions and I feel blessed that someone was concerned for my crying, but I think most people around me knew why I was crying. This is where I make it up as I go – I am not sure if it normal or not, but I cry about JAG’s first wife. I mourn for her. I feel like I have grown so close to her as well so when Pastor said her name it didn’t feel like he was saying my now husband’s first wife’s name, but that he was saying the name of one of my dearest friends. Many pictures of her still sit through out our home and she will remain there. If God gives us children, then they will know. Those are JAG’s memories and I will preserve them as long as he wants me to.

Again, it hasn’t been easy, I wish things were different, but I am so blessed to be the one going through this with him.

Sorry that I did not include a name. I mean you don’t even get JAG’s name, so I definitely wasn’t going to include her name. She is in this blog – there is a blog with a picture of her – I snuck it in.

I want to leave you with something pretty. While typing this I listened to Mindy Gledhill. This is one of my favorites for you.

Knowing What I was Missing Before

I was planning an writing on this topic anyway today, but then I read- as I do each morning – NieNie. I am telling you now that if you are not reading her you need to – really…remember this post I did about her here?

Each Monday Stephanie does a NieNie asks segment on blogher and today she asked “What Make You Lucky?” Oh it was perfect!!!!

What makes me Lucky is knowing what I was missing before…

Before I was blessed with a beautiful daughter.

Before I met JAG.

Before I experience what a true, loving, healthy and respectful relationship feels like.

Before I put God before anything else in my life.

Before I was able to take pictures like this…

I keep no secrets about how lucky I feel to be where I am today. I just want to tell that one reader who I am not sure if I know in person or not that he will come. I still think back to that Valentine’s weekend where I sat alone in my house. No Shelby, no big Valentines date – just me, some wine and some chick flicks. During that weekend I made things right in myself. I looked around and said “I am fine right here. If God chooses to not bring anyone to continue my life with I will be perfectly fine right here”. Then of course I said “Please please God. Ok ok…it is in your hands”. I was done with dating. I was content being single – it was a hell of a lot easier then dealing with the loser market of men that came my way. Most of you know how the story goes – a chance email check which lead to a website which lead to a picture of a man which lead me to read his story. Which in that exact moment I knew, cheesy as it may sound, that the big man upstairs said, “you needed to go through what you did, so that you would be ready. You are ready, so here he is.” Well, probably not in those exact words.

I am lucky in that respect. I used to pull my hair out when people would say, “maybe if you take a break from looking he will come to you”. My statement was always, “the next one will be the one…I know it”. That never happened.  I know all of my single readers will cringe when I say find peace within you. Love you and where you are on this exact minute. I am not Dr. Ruth – is she a love doctor or a sex doctor – anyway I am neither, but I do know that I would not have been able to even if I had met JAG before to be where I am if I did not find comfort in being single, step back, and put it in God’s hands. Also enjoy your time. The quiet time to read a book or watch whatever you want to watch on TV or to dance in the kitchen to anything you want. To do those things that us girls do when no one is at home – like spend an hour in front of the mirror removing blackheads – oh wait that might just be me. I also talk to myself… a lot – is that being alone or crazy? Anyway, take the time to enjoy your space before you do this with your life.

My stuff stacked in JAG’s garage.

Don’t get me wrong – I am ecstatic about my move and my starting of a new life and family. I wish I could hug every one of my single readers and friends. I understand what it was like, I was there. My hope is that you will feel what I am feeling now – because I appreciate it so much more then I would have a year ago – for that I am lucky.

 For my lovely reader who asked here is the start of my cross wall. Gweedo, the first husband, would never let me have one – I won’t go into why, but I didn’t even have to ask JAG.

He (JAG) did correct the order of my Faith Hope Love crosses though – what would I do without him – my crosses would be all wrong.

No go visit Stephanie’s blog the Nienie dialogues and check her link to blogher to read what makes others Lucky!

Do You Know What Today is?

Warning…this post may be too lovely dovey for some people.

Do you?

It is JAG’s Birthday! WoooHooo! The love of my life is 33 today! 33 will be awesome! I just know it! Why you ask…because I love you (JAG…not you, but I do love you to, but this is JAG’s blog).

I have been sitting here the last couple of days trying to rack my brain to come up with 33 reason why I love you…you know I have to get cheesier then the birthday card! So lets see…man…this is hard 33 is BIG. You’re getting old…you are officially older then me (for a couple of months).

Just had an idea…yeap right as I type this. Let me tell you and the world-you know I have readers, right?-the 33 reasons why I have decided to spend the rest of my life with you. That sounds like more fun.

So without further a due here are the 33 reason why I want to spend forever- and a day (gotta cheese it up) with you!

1. Patience: you have a ton of it!
2. You won’t let me use “I am fine” when you know I am not.
3. The pure fact that people want you to sing, beg you to be in choir while people plead for me to take up lip syncing.
4. I don’t have to vacuum before you come over.
5. You have a knack for communicating with Shelby and have even taught me a few things.
6. Even when I am grumpy, you still like me.
7. You will sit through bad TV with me.
8. You never make fun of me, even when I look like a clown
9. You never say, “Are you going to tell that story AGAIN?”
10. You always seem to know when things aren’t going great.
11. You don’t get upset when I fall asleep during one of your favorite movies.
12. You know my colors.
13. So many people love you-that is the sign of a good guy.
14. Your love gives me the feeling that the best is still ahead.
15. I love your smile…I really do.
16. You laugh when I use the wrong words or spell something completely wrong.
17. You will pick up a soldier’s tab at a restaurant and not ever stay for him to have a chance to thank you because you say you didn’t do it for a thank you.
18. You love food. Really love food and love trying new food.
19. You spend hours with me just shopping…and you like it.
20. You will find an Iphone App for anything I need; unfortunately…I don’t have an iphone.
21. You bring out the best in me.
22. You gave me two wonderful step-dogs!
23. You roll your eyes (in a nice way) when I can’t count in my head – you learned recently I get this from my mother.
24. You will tell me that my cooking is good even when I ask you 5 times during one meal.
25. You never get mad at me…even when I drive you up the wall.
26. You push me to do things that I enjoy, like writing this blog.
27. ‘coz you are amazing, dazzling and extra nice.
28. You send texts that just say “You are Awesome” or “You Rock”
29. You’re someone I can be goofy with.
30. Yogurt.
31. You really love being called JAG.
32. I can ask you a dumb question without feeling dumb.
33. Whenever I need it most you are there with you all-purpose hugs.

These are also the 33 reason why I love you.

This is how JAG feels about this post and that I insisted on putting 33 candles on this cake!

I hope you have an AWESOME Birthday! I will forgive your employer for making you go out of town on your birthday…well maybe.

Just FYI…we celebrated JAG’s birthday before he left. I even made him a yellow cake from scratch (pat on the back)…the icing was from a jar or can or whatever you call it.

That is Queen Amidala in Shelby's Mouth

Yes, I know my camera sucks inside

August was AWESOME!!!

Yes I know I have to stop using that word, but please find me another to describe my stats for August.

294 Visits

218 were return visits

76 were newbie readers

I am not trying to big brother you, but these numbers keep me posting everyday! I love it! Thank you!

Check out the map!

Yeap that is the United States…and…

Canada

France

Netherlands

Tanzania

Sweden

South Korea

Italy

For a girl who has never lived outside of Texas this is an awesome feeling for me. I told my mom that I had a reader from South Korea and she asked, “What in the world are you writing about?” My mom was not one of the 294 visits, but I am giving her my laptop, so she can visit any site she wants without getting a virus. If you remember my father thinks my blog will give him a virus. God love them!

By the time this posts they will be here with Shelby and I. I am so excited. I really hope to get some good pictures if my father will let me. Maybe just one so I can document him without a mustache. Don’t worry I will only do it if he lets me.

Again, thank you! You ready this right now means the world to me!