I Did Not Want to Like You

I did not want to like you. True that could be taken as a horrible statement, but it’s the honest truth.  I did not want to open my heart to you. I did not want to let myself grow any sort of attachment to you. There is absolutely zero that you did to cause these feelings. My feelings are not because of you, but because of those that came before you. 

One of the more challenging things that I am learning to deal with as I  live this close to my father in-law’s ministry, to his (now our) home church, is the attachment to his staff. Oh, over the last eight years I have learned the many similarities between "corporate America” and “church business”. I have also seen and felt the many differences. 

I feel almost uneducated when I say, “I did not realize people would see their position in a church as ‘a job’. Something they would leave to pursue advancements, something they would leave because it wasn’t working out.” Why I thought people would stay in their positions as an Associate Pastor or Director of a Christian Education or a Social Media Coordinator at one single church for their entire career is beyond me. 

I think this level of stability is what I wished for like a child wishes that it was their birthday every week, the way we wish for Summer to be here (or in my case for summer to END!). 

I have been so fortunate to have family style connections with the staff at our church - to love unconditionally and to receive that love back, to lean in, get close and be so attached. 

So attached that a few years I sat in agony across the table from my dear friend thinking, “how in the world am I supposed to compact what she has meant to me into a 30 sec blurb for her going-away video?” I am attempting to avoid the overdramatic, but it was crushing. She fell into the friend group I call, “I loved you before we moved here”, those are the people who loved on us, who we were bonded to before we came to live in Northwest Houston almost five years ago. Some of them are there because they loved on Matt as he lost Nici, some are there because they welcomed Shelby before they even met me. I am so blessed with an amazing church family and that’s why when one of my loved ones leaves to pursue amazing callings and new positions that are so deserved it is still so hard. 

It was hard to see my teenager’s face crumble when she learned her youth leader and longtime family friend (again, who we connected with before we were members) was leaving to plant a church. Then, like dominos my dear friend (mentioned above) left for an amazing position in a state district office. More recently, someone who Shelby grew very close to and I just adored left for a great position at the national level doing exactly what God called her to do, but man did it hurt. I feel almost selfish now sitting her (in tears) worried about my feelings and how much it hurt me (and Shelby), but I feel like I need to express those feelings - as crazy as they may sound. 

I did not want to like you because I made a vow to myself that I would not get attached to any more staff at my father-in-law’s church. 

Let me clarify - any more NEW staff. I am stuck with the love that I have for the ones that were there before. I have even turned to my closest friends and said, “If you say the word ‘call’ or ‘move’ I will most definitely die!” Yep, dramatic I think is one of my gifts. 

Also, feel like I need to say that I have heard countless times that while my father-in-law is human and might have “some moods” as Morgan would say, he has been called “the best pastor I have worked for” by multiple staff (current and former). So it’s not JAGdad running off his staff. 

After our last dear friend left our church I said, “I will not get attached to anyone, again. I will be polite, kind and smile, but I don’t want to know them. I don’t want to hear their story, I don’t want to let myself love them.” 

So a few Sundays ago after you spoke to Matt and I, with that smile that is so hard to resist, I turned him and said, “Damn it, I like her. Ugh, I did not want to like her!” Ah, yes, I cussed inside the walls of the church, but softly and just in front of Matt. 

This was not my plan! I resisted the urge to help you move into your new home, I’ve kept my distance, but ugh you pulled me in time and time again with your ability to be so real, so understanding, so dang likable! 

And now I am this crazed woman thinking, “I really want to know more about her. I think we could be friends. I wonder if she and her husband want to come over for dinner?” The me from months past (you know Dana January 2018 version) is so irritated by my eagerness to make friends with you!  

Moral of the story: God’s not going to let me not love those he wants me to love. If He has a plan for me to connect with someone then stand back because He is going to make it happen no matter how much I fight it. 

I feel like God has to remind me that I did not lose Jon, Rhonda or Meredith and though I can’t just walk into their office to distract, I mean chat, them on a weekly basis they are still in our lives - Rhonda and Meredith especially. And though all of the feels flood back when  I run like a fool across the worship center to hug one that showed up unannounced those feeling give me the opportunity to say in person how proud I am of them and how much they are loved! 

Paying Homage to a Beautiful Backyard

For the past two days my in-laws have posted almost identical pictures on Facebook of their backyard.

Yesterday, they closed on this house where they have lived for 10 plus years and are headed to a new home. Don't worry they are still really close by (like 8 miles from their current house).

It dawned on me this morning that I should pay homage  to this backyard that has been the backdrop of so many pictures of my family as we have grown and is also where so many of my favorite pictures have been taken. So, sit back and get ready to be bombarded with pictures!

Our very first picture in the backyard - our engagement picture. 

Our first "family" picture (or soon to be family picture)

December 2011 - a really small baby Bekah with Grandad

December 2011 - My Sweet Shelby (before braces)

Not exactly sure when this was taken, but here is Baby Bekah in hammock

Easter 2012

My "Sweet" Girls - Easter 2012

Flash Forward Some - My Littles with Gram

Bekah "fishing" with a pine needle

This is from Christmas 2013 - Gram & her grandkids

Christmas 2013 Christmas Card Picture

Easter 2014

My Girls - Easter 2014

My Girls in the Hammock - 2014

Father's Day 2014

2014 - Girls with Grandad

Wow, those kind of choked me up a bit. Seeing how it all started, watching my girls grow, and knowing there were so many other memories made in that backyard before me. (I might be crying right now) (I blame hormones)

I never imagined when I took that first engagement picture how many more family pictures would take place in that backyard and how our family would grow.  

Thank you Backyard for providing us with so many memories. You will be missed! (oh yeah I did just do that - pretty cheesy, huh?)

So, here is to a new beginnings and new memories to be made! 

Summer Road Trip: SIX

I debated on making the title for this post: Hey SIX Shelby Wants to Know if You Can Make it SEVEN? You'll see why..

When Branson was decided for our summer family vacation I was in, but knew nothing about Branson. The most I knew about Missouri was a small town I traveled to over ten years ago for a funeral. My coworkers jumped on the research bandwagon and sent me links to things like Dolly Parton's Dixie Land Stampede. I thought oh yeah...I will fit in just fine. My mom kept saying "Thinking Mikey is there...I think the Oak Ridge Boys are there." Needless to say I was slightly apprehensive.

Let me stop for a minute and tell you about me. I adamantly oppose country music. Anytime JAG turns it on I sigh and whine till he changes the channel, but what he wants the world to know is I cannot stand country music, but can sing every Garth Brooks song word for word. So, I have some country in me...there was that time in Junior High when it was cool . Anyway, I love me some classic country: Patsy, Crystal Gale, Dolly and yes I even know some Oak Ridge Boys. So even though I say I was apprehensive I really think its all a front...just wanted to let you know.

Did that make sense at all? Back to my story.

We decided to break up and go to see a show on two nights. The first night it was JAGdad, MommaB and Shelby, then JAG and I went the following night to the same show. I had no clue who SIX was and my daughter decided even before she went that she would give me zero details about the show.

Fast forward to Thursday night, JAG and I are in the condo winding down from our trip to the outlet mall as I am perusing Facebook and see this picture.

I seriously thought "they didn't say that someone else was going to the show with them. Who is this guy they have hooked up with my daughter?" Then I found out this is no guy...this is Curtis Knudsen who is the youngest member of SIX and is Shelby's big crush right now...maybe bigger than the Biebs. This picture was snapped as Curtis was entering the building for their show. That car to the left is his and Shelby quickly told me after the show that Curtis' color is Blue - which is Shelby favorite color. Too bad for Shelby that even though he looks young he could be her father and he is also married with three children...sorry Shel. 


Let me tell you about SIX. They are Six brothers that are actually the first six kids that their parents have - there are 10 total children in their family - all boys. SIX has no instruments and make all their music with their mouths...here take seven minutes to watch this...

When the show started I looked over at JAG and rolled my eyes. My first thought "it's the back street boys, but older and in Branson so a bit cheesier." I was very wrong and really enjoyed the show...so much I bought a CD. 

My enjoyment was nothing compared to Shelby's. She came skipping back into our condo with a blue t-shirt (for Curtis of course) signed by each member. Then she firmly requested we spend the rest of her souvenir budget on a DVD of the show. Let me tell you that I have heard that DVD playing at least 20 times since we have been back. Sometimes it's hard to heard over Shelby's voice as she belts out the songs along with them.  When I go in to lower the volume for the hundredth time I am bombarded with questions like

Which one was your favorite? Isn't great how they let that one brother who only made the drum noises actually sing? Don't you just love Barry's voice? Look did you see how Curtis did that? What's your favorite song mom? Did you see the video of their mother? Why don't the other four brother sing? 

On and on and on, but if it makes the girl happy then she can play it for weeks. It much more morally sound then some of the other things she wants to listen to or watch, so I am good. 

If you want more information here is their website

www.thesixshow.com

I have to tell you that during the entire show (and even today as write this) my marketing brain was going crazy...hmmm...six brothers singing...if they can do it then four brothers might work too...hmmm...

Introducing...

FOUR 

I could make millions!!! I would just have to get one of them to agree to bleach and spike his hair! Hmmm...

Tomorrow I will wrap this all up with the one thing Shelby wanted to do on our trip and the blast she had doing it along with other randomness from Branson. 

Summer Road Trip: Cape Girardeau

There is something going us with JAG and I...we actually made it somewhere on time (in yesterday's post) and I actually wrote out thank you notes from our trip and mailed them within a week...that is a big thing for me! I am terrible at writing thank you notes.

Back to our trip:

On Sunday morning we work-up and had condo church with JAGdad, MamaB, and JAG's Aunt Suzi and Uncle Stan. Their two daughter were with us also - of course I have no pictures!!! I spaced, sorry. Everyone fully enjoyed being in the word while gathered in the living room of our condo. Afterwards I think some swimming took place by the girls and Shelby while Bekah napped and I got in some much needed study of Ruth. We are using a retreat kit from Group Publishing for our Women's retreat this year and Ruth is the focus, so I am reading up...getting all the knowledge I can to be prepared.

That afternoon we loaded up the van and headed back on the road for four hours. The scenery was just as lovely, but this time it was farms - tons and tons are farmland.

I have to admit, this city girl said "Look honey it's wheat!" To which JAG corrected me by saying that the fields were full of corn. I of course rebuttled with "No, I have blogger friends in Kansas and that is wheat I've seen it...oh wait...umm...that is corn! I told you it was corn, but you just didn't believe me." This typical of our discussions - he is pretty much always right and I try my best to find something that he is wrong about. 

JAG: 2 million     Dana: 0

We made it into Cape about 7pm to find that GrandmaB had spent her afternoon/evening preparing a lovely dinner for us. It made my heart melt to see she brought out her good plates and glasses. She made us a special dip with our sandwiches and even brought out her special serving pieces. I had to take a few deep breathes because as soon as I walked into her retirement village apartment I was flooded with emotions and memories of my Meme and how much Meme loved to have us over to eat. GrandmaB even had a plate of fresh sliced tomatoes - it was home.

GrandmaB's apartment is covered with pictures of all her grandkids (JAG has 3 bothers and four cousins) and great grandkids. She is one proud grandmother. I was so excited to find and snap of picture of this one (you saw it yesterday) that was hanging proudly on her fridge.

JAG is the oldest of all the grandchildren so there were a few extra of him. Look at his cuteness sitting in that 1970's lawn chair - my parents had these too.

Pretty soon it was late and way past GrandmaB's bedtime so she showed us to our room there in her building - it was nice, just like staying in a hotel. Shorty after we got unloaded there was a knock on our door and I just knew we were making too much noise for our neighbors. When I went to answer it I was surprised to find GrandmaB there - she was just making sure we found the room and that we made it and there were no problems.

Early the next morning (right at 7 am) there was another knock on the door which I was more prepared for since we had made arrangement to have breakfast with GrandmaB in the dinning room. There she was in her good red outfit full of spirit and ready for the day.

She was ready to show us off! We got the opportunity to meet her girlfriends. I loved seeing how proud she was of the girls.

After breakfast we jumped in the van for a tour of Cape Girardeau. GrandmaB has lived there for a very long time and raised her children there as well, so she was a pro tour guide plus she has the gift for talking so we got all the details.

We went by the house where she lived with JAG's grandfather.

not the best picture, but as you can tell someone was living there

Bekah wasn't too excited by the history of her family - someday she will be.

I had to laugh because our next stop was down by the river. GrandmaB had to take us to see the "palace of sin" they are building in Cape. 

Palace of Sin = Casino

Then she took us through neighborhoods of house that you could purchase if you made it big during your visit of the sin palace. 

Next stop, the river. Which I believe is the Mississippi (so much for my geography). Little did I know we were a stones throw (or a major doggy paddle) away from Illinois. 

What? Doesn't everyone teach their daughter to drive at 9 months?

After the river we were hungry and wanted to take GrandmaB to lunch. We were planning on someplace nice as our treat, but she insisted on McDonald's because she has a major hankering for an apple pie - that is a woman after my heart! We couldn't refuse apple pies!

After lunch I learned that JAG's family history rand deep in Cape. We got to see this home which is on the historic register. I believe that JAG's great great grandfather owned it or maybe a great great great...not really sure, but it was so neat!

I fell in love with the old home is Cape Girardeau - look at the iron work and the front door that matches the swing - I love it!

Since we were so close the Illinois we decided to drive over the bridge so Shelby could add another state to her list. After that is was off to a park where JAG had so many fond memories of playing on this black train.

If you remember I have really been into my family history, doing geneology research and finding old pictures. GrandmaB was thrilled when we told her we wanted to take her the cemetery so she could give us more history. 

It was very neat to see that Bekah has a family member that was part of the Daughters of the American Colonists.On my side she and Shelby have linage in the Daughters of the Confederacy - since my great great grandfather died during his service in the Civil War.

We wore GrandmaB out so it was back to her place for more pictures. I love old pictures especially of people I know!

JAGdad being held by his father - he was 8 weeks old

JAG always said he looks just like his grandfather, but man this picture gave me chills...their profiles match so much. He looks a bit like JAG's brother Tim, too.

Look at this one...this is the day that GrandmaB went to St. Louis to pick out her wedding dress. I love her hat!

And boy did she have a big wedding

We spent the afternoon hearing stories and taking more pictures then it was off it Saint Charles to see JAG's Aunt and Uncle. 

I love all of these:

Looking at the two of them together I think I see some similarity. I am almost positive she will be a spitfire like her great grandmother. GrandmaB kept saying "you just leave her here with me and I'll take good care of her." 

Catching Up: Easter 2012

My goal  is to get this blog up to day by ummm...maybe this time next week - we will see. Here is Easter!

It has become a tradition of our to travel South to spend Easter with JAG's parents (JAGdad and Momma B).

Let me just say that packing and traveling with a six month old is much different then traveling with a ten year old. After I packed everyone and cleaned up the messed I made by busting a full bottle of hot pink nail polish all over my bathroom floor we were out the door two hours behind schedule. We took two more stops than normal and the DVD player was not working - so we were two stressed parents by the time we go there. We attending a beautiful Good Friday service - no pictures.

On Saturday, Bekah had her first Easter Egg Hunt!

Of course, she had no clue what was happening and spent most of the time attempting to eat pine needles.

Shelby had a blast and got more candy then she could ever eat!

There she goes attempting to eat something again - this is our life these days.

The next day I dressed them in their matching outfits (I had to fight a bit to make that happen) and we went to Eater Service. I love being in JAGdad's church - he is the pastor, if you didn't know. Shelby thinks it is a big deal - and it is! I love watching him work! I also love the sanctuary and music and people...ahhh if only I lived closer.

After service I attempted to take pictures of the girls in front of the Easter Lillies (is it lillys or lillies or neither).

This next picture was snapped right before little sister tumbled right of the step onto her head.

Yeap, we had one of those moments - it was lovely. So, we packed up and decided to take pictures on more solid ground.

Look - it's all our kids!

My Family - Easter 2012...love it!