“I thought he was
prescribing me something new.”
“No, this is what you
are on; it’s just the non-generic version. Do you want to see if it will help?”
“Seriously doubt it
will since the generic version offers zero relief.”
“Have you tried
Benadryl?”
That’s when I lost it.
“Yes, I’ve tried
EVERYTHING! I will just talk to him next week!”
How dare she!?! Does
she not realize that what I am going through, what I’ve been through? Does my
doctor not even know the medicine that he has already prescribe to me? Is he
not taking this seriously?
Those were my thoughts as I stood in my kitchen in disbelief
rubbing one foot against the other trying my best to avoid the spot where I had
already scratched the top layer of skin off of my foot. Of all the people in the world you would think my doctor’s nurse would
understand the condition I was dealing with!
About four weeks previously while JAG was traveling I was
woken from a sound sleep to the pain and itching of what felt like fire ants in
my bed. They were attacking my feet starting in my ankles and quickly moving to
the soles of my feet. I quickly sat up (as quickly as you can when you are 8
month pregnant) and pulled the sheets back to find nothing but my two feet that
felt like they were on fire. I reached down and itched them like crazy, but it
gave me no relief. I checked for bites and found none along with no rash of any
type.
I got up and grabbed a tube of Benadryl from the mast
bathroom. I was hoping that a nice large lathering would stop the itching. It
brought zero relief. I contemplated a knife to just cut my feet off, but then
had a brilliant idea of using ice. My thought process didn’t happen as quickly
as I am writing it, but the relief brought on by sticking plastic baggies of
ice in my socks did. I was able to go to sleep. I woke up a few hours later
with a large wet spot from you leaking bags of ice and the itching returned. I
thought to myself well if this is the
only pregnancy side effect I have then it’s not too bad. It’s still been an
awesome pregnancy; I can deal with a bit of itching. I am sure it will over
soon.
After two days, little sleep and many oral Benadryl taken in
vain I decided to Google “itching feet pregnancy.” Yes, I know I know you
shouldn’t Google any type of medical symptoms and you definitely should avoid
WebMD when you are pregnant (especially 35 and pregnant), but I was desperate
for ideas on what could make this itching go away.
The first entry that pulled up was describing a condition
called Cholestasis of
pregnancy. I read a bit about how toxic were
being released through my feet and thought yay,
that’s probably not what I have. I put it in the back of my mind and just
applied more Benadryll. I did send it to JAG though with a want do you think attached. His response was a typical, “I am sure
you are fine.” When he got in from out of town he saw first hand just how bad
it was. The first night that he had to deal with it he tried everything to
help. I rubbed cream of my feet, helped me prop them up and ran to get ice
packs. He sat next to my and hugged me as I cried in frustration.
On the eighth day of less than two hours of sleep a
night I broke down and called the doctor. I was squeezed in to see the
Physicain Assistant and told her my story.
“I itch. It sounds crazy, but it my feet mainly at night. I want to use
an knife to scrape my skin off. It’s horrible and I don’t sleep.”
I looked a JAG who I drug along to vouch for me, “he can tell you that I
am not crazy. I read that it could be my gallbladder.”
“Well, you would be itching all over it was your gallbladder, but I will
order labs and call in a prescription that will stop the itching.”
I swear it wasn’t me being psychosomatic, but that night my arms and legs started itching. I was miserable.
After two days I called the doctor’s office and talked with the nurse. She
said, “It’s just your hormones.” I explained I thought it was ICP, Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy. To which she responded, “oh sweetie you need to
stay off of the internet. There are things on there that are just meant to
scare you.”
I am not sure if you feel the same way I do, but as I woman I
know my body and I know when something is wrong and in this case something was
wrong. I searched and search to find nothing else that matched my symptoms. One
afternoon after getting zero response from my doctor about my condition getting
worse I found myself on Facebook of all places in a group called ICP Care/Itchy
Moms. I post my symptoms and asked if they thought it was ICP. I quickly
received multiple responses saying I was right on target. So, I headed over to
the ICP Cares website and quickly found out just how serious this is for both
Morgan and me.
At that point I stepped up my game. It is common for doctors
to not be familiar with ICP since it is pretty rare. I believe it is like a one
in one thousand people thing, so it became my job to educate my very
experienced OB. I printed and read study after
study. I prepared a list of my symptoms and what in-home treatment I had tried.
I also typed up a list of demands that included the tests I wanted and the
steps we would take if it was indeed ICP. I went into my doctors appointment
prepared to fight for my rights, but I found I didn’t need to. He sort of read
through what I had and said, “Ok we will run more blood and get you a
sonogram.” He agreed that it was probably ICP even though my blood work a week
prior said everything was fine. My sonogram showed a large amount of amniotic
fluid which brings in another slew of complications that of course I googled.
I added new words to my vocabulary like Bile Acid Screen,
Liver Function Test, AST and ALT. Possible outcomes like still born and time in
NICU become daily thoughts. I asked for prayers from a few people, not wanted
to go public until I was fully diagnosed.
This brings me to day, almost four weeks later with zero
resolution to my condition. I have had two regular healthy blood panels, but I
still only sleep about two to four hours a night. My amniotic fluid is increase
by the week, but my doctor thinks it’s not a big deal. Actually, as of this
week I take that he thinks the entire thing is no big deal which scares the daylights out of me. ICP if untreated
could be fatal from my child, not to mention what I could go through. I find
myself sitting here this morning fighting with my doctor to see a specialist
for a second opinion. The only possibility on the table is ICP since we have
yet to find anything else it could be.
I am frustrated, exhausted and depressed beyond belief. It’s
getting increasingly harder to get through each night not to mention I now itch
through most of the day and naps only come in hour spans before I start have
unmanageable itching.
So, I lose my cool when I nurse asks if I have tried
Benadryl. If she only knew what I am living with these days.
I need prayers. I need to sleep. I need peace. I need to have
this resolved. I need to remind myself daily of these verses.
Jeremiah 29:11-14
New International
Version (NIV)
11 For I know
the plans I have for
you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not
to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and
come and pray to me, and I
will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find
me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you backfrom
captivity.[a] I will gather
you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place
from which I carried you into exile.”
Matthew 6:34
New International
Version (NIV)
34 Therefore do not worry
about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough
trouble of its own.
And of course
my favorite of all time.
Proverbs 3:5-6
New International
Version (NIV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your
heart
and lean not
on your own understanding;
6 in all your
ways submit to him,
and he will
make your paths straight.[a]
Please keep
Morgan and me in your prayers. Also, say a little prayer for JAG – he is such a
trooper, but is so frustrated that he can’t fix me (he’s a fixer).
I’ll keep you
updated.
